PNMtium

A major research institution has announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet know to science - "PNMtium." It has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and 111 assistant deputy neutrons for an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons that are further surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like sub particles called peons (also called URPeons). There is a related group of sub-particles called CEPEPeons which occupy space, but do little more than polish adjacent matter while consuming vast amounts of resources. Without these sub-particles, however, it becomes almost impossible for PNMtium to exist.

PNMtium has no electrons and is therefore inert. It can be detected however since it impedes every reaction it comes into contact with. A tiny amount of PNMtium can take a reaction that normally occurs in seconds and slow it to the point where it can take years.

PNMtium has a normal half-life of 2.5 years. It doesn't decay but "re-organizes", a process where assistant deputy neutrons and deputy neutrons change places. This process actually causes it to grow as in the confusion some morons become neutrons, thereby forming isodopes.

This phenomenon of "moron promotion" has led to some speculation that PNMtium forms whenever sufficient morons meet in concentration forming critical morass. Researches believe that in PNMtium, the more you re-organize, the morass you cover.

Scientifockingly said!